Yes, I needed help... I did... and thankfully, I found it!
I read so many books, went to seminars, webinars, bought a lot of programs and this went on for years. Years of self-discovery and realizations I had never even thought about before my journey. It didn't change me, the journey just allowed me to see myself for who I am. I am truly grateful for this. Discovering myself was the game changer and life became a lot more interesting!
I want to summarize for you what I learned on this journey; otherwise I would have to write a book. Not a bad idea... just not today. Today, I plan to keep this short and sweet by getting straight to the point.
What I learned mostly is that there is help. You just need to ask for it. That's what I did, and then I found all those books. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. It took years before I realized… I was getting all the help I needed. I learned you CAN help yourself! The only person you can truly count on is you, and that's fine because it's all you will ever need. The Universe really does take care of the rest.
In January of 2000 is when I found myself in deep despair. I had lost everything (including my Father), and felt I had no one to turn to. Luckily, that was not true. My Mom was there for me. She helped me dust myself off and get back in the game of life. Thank you Mom! But it was still up to me to make the most of it. But I didn't know how? This is when I began reading... reading anything that would help me out of the darkness that surrounded me!
It wasn't until January of 2006 that I insisted on finding something better. I was out of work and jobs were hard to come by. I didn't have a clue of what I wanted, but I was open to figuring that out. This is also about the time I started this blog. It took a while, but at the beginning of July, I found a nice job. One that I would keep until July of 2008, when we were forced to close down. I was okay with that. I was tired and knew this was not what I wanted to do forever anyway. It was during that time I kept finding more ways to improve myself and before I knew it, I was improving my life! I took acting classes for fun which led to improv classes... even more fun! Still, I needed to find work that pays.
I wanted to tend bar again and ended up working at one of my old jobs... my least favorite old job! It had been decades since I last worked for this organization. I knew they were a tough outfit to work for, but I had faith in all the universal laws and myself that I could handle it. It was all fine... I guess? That is until August of 2011, when everything changed and I was let go for reasons beyond my control. I then began to doubt everything I had learned. How could this happen? Again, I am lost and felt I had nothing. I was back in despair and left on my own to figure things out. It took some time, but thankfully, I was able to see what a blessing it truly was!
I managed to pick myself up once again and restore my faith in the Universe (and myself), because the alternative was so much worse! What did I have to lose anyway? By March of 2012, I had found the sweetest job as a bartender and I'm still with them today. I am surrounded by the nicest people and close to home! It amazes me that I went from the meanest, most disrespectful employers into the nicest, most accommodating employers in what seems as a blink of an eye. Naturally, this is what I meant by a 'blessing'. I've always believed everything happens for a reason. Maybe the Universe was testing my faith? Or simply wanted to show me what miracles it can perform? Every now and then I still have to pinch myself!
Then in August of 2012, I went back to school. Another game changer. Two years have flown by and I now have an advanced certificate in Computer Information Systems. I'm in the honor society, and so many scholarships available to me, I've decided to keep going. Funny that when I was in High School, I felt I knew more than I would ever need to know. Thirty years later... I still love that confident, naive young girl that I was, but I also have to laugh (with her, of course).
During my summer break from school, I decided the best thing I could do with my extra time is to get a second job. Though considering all I went through to find a job I actually love, I wasn't feeling too ambitious to go through it again. But I did, and yes, I had quite a few discouraging moments in the process. It brought me back to the time when I was desperate to find work and I just couldn't give up. Even though that was no longer the case! I had to keep reminding myself that I already had a job. There was no need to fear, and I didn't have to jump through hoops for everybody that responded to me. That is when I caught my lucky break. I just let go and let it happen.
By the beginning of July, I had found the most perfect job for me. It's in fashion (which I have always loved) and I get to make my own hours! Actually, the job found me. I just put aside my fears and went with it! The flow of life, that is. I really didn't expect to land this one, but I did! So, I now have two jobs doing what I love to do and continuing with my education. Two more years and I will have a degree in web design. I love the challenges this presents me with and the work is most enjoyable! Going back to school at my age can be strenuous and sometimes I feel I may explode from all the pressure, but when the semester ends, I actually miss it. Then the next semester comes, and I start all over again.
Now, I just feel bad that I have been neglecting this blog for years. So sorry blog, I really have no time to write anymore, but I do miss it! I even thought of letting it go to ease the guilt of not writing anything new, but I just couldn't. I remembered all the people that have thanked me over the years for all these post, and they still do! Not as much… but if this blog can still help others, I will keep it!
I will always be an advocate for self help. If you're ever feeling down and out, know that there is help for you. Have faith in yourself that you can turn things around, and trust that the Universe is always there to support you. And then be grateful for all of that!